Some New Year Thoughts

Hey all. This post might just be strings of thought, it is one of those times when I don't really have anything to say yet I have a lot on my mind.
Christmas was pretty good, it was honestly hard being away from my family though. Right now they are at Pike Place Market in Seattle and I am at work. Sad. Not that I don't like my in-laws (I do), they just aren't (dare I say it?) as good as my family. :) Christmas was fun except for the tension that occured every so often. I received a new shirt and skirt, a new necklace, some cardmaking stuff, and an eye shadow set. And my mom made me a picnic blanket so in the two weeks of spring in Utah I can go picnicing! Yay!
Today I had to be back at work, but its been nice and slow. I am for the most part liking my new job. Mostly I deal with people on the phone. I just answer the calls and send them to the people they need to go to. The stressful part is when the other people in the office don't pick up and then the person calls me back and is mad because they've been on hold for 20 minutes or something. But I think it will be a good opportunity for me, since I'm not getting any higher education (you would think 4 years of agonizing work would be enough), and so far I'm enjoying it for the most part. The people I work with are nice and my boss apparently takes really good care of his workers, which is more than I've gotten anywhere else. My only real complaint is the office is always cold! Right now I am sitting in my coat and scarf. :) And I am still cold! My office is downstairs in the front (so outer wall with three windows), while everyone else is upstairs. John is my only lifeline to humanity--he works in the warehouse which is also downstairs. Things are pretty laid back, the boys play xbox during lunch and we all play music while we work. So pretty fun.
What my thoughts have been on lately is the movie Julie and Julia. I saw it over the break and LOVED it! For those who haven't seen it, its the story of a woman who cooks through Julia Child's french cookbook and blogs about it. I loved it becasue it showed how you can find yourself through cooking and how an ideal can influence a person's life. I've always wanted to blog about cooking and just do a new thing everyday, but I have always come up with excuses, like "everyone has already done a cooking blog, there are so many I might as well not do it" or "ingredients would be too expensive to get" or "I would just get fat cooking a new thing every day", etc. But I think I might do something like that. A blog can be a personal thing, something for oneself, a place to expand and find freedom from the humdrum of everyday life. I feel I rarely talk about the things I love on here, like literature and cooking--which except for Braden is mostly what I think about. I think I should do more with what I love, make what I love the focus of my life instead of the fringe. I don't enjoy my life enough and I could expand in so many ways as a person. So I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet, but by the end of the year I will start something new on here, so be ready. Something more of me, which means it might be boring, but oh well!
And thats about it. Nothing particularly exciting but good thoughts. :) Happy New Year everyone!

Catch up

So...since Halloween (I know, pathetic) several things have happened. Braden and I went to Seattle for Thanksgiving and it was wonderful. I was seriously considering not coming back. I made fudge and filled chocolates as well as learned to crochet for the fiftieth time in my life. I had a wonderful time with my mom--I really miss her. After Thanksgiving school picked up, and I had several papers and things due all at once, hence no blogging. The papers didn't go so well, my Modernist professor tore apart my paper for his class two days before it was due and I had to do it all over that night. So, pretty miserable. But good things have happened too. Braden took the LSAT and thinks he did really well, but we won't find out until January. We are happy to have that out of the way, he's been taking practice tests since February. I also got a new job this week. It is here in Spanish Fork and pays well. For the next few months it will be difficult to commute everyday to Prove and back for work, but I think it will be worth it in the end. Its a secretary job from 9 to 5 and they want to make me full time as soon as possible so I have a job when I graduate. So that is nice. Besides that we are just getting ready for Christmas and trying to get done with finals and everything.

Halloween Night

So I am home sick today, which is the only reason I actually have time to write this post! Halloween is one of the funnest holidays, I love dressing up and eating candy! This year Braden and I were pirate-themed. He was a pirate, I was his wench. We had some fun food, celebrated with some friends, and had an overall good Halloween night!

P.S.

For those who are asking about the Trick or Treat song, it is sung on the cartoon I posted--if you have 8 minutes of your life to spare you should watch it! :)

Disneyland Pictures!

Donald Duck - Trick Or Treat - 1952 (English)

Trick or Treat

Halloween is my favorite. My house is decorated and ready for the festivities! I was shocked to learn my husband didn't know the Trick or Treat song. It's probably just me but I thought EVERYONE knew that song. A Natalie moment I guess. :) So this year I think I will get trick or treaters for the first time! I want to go over the top and make caramel apples but most likely we will just buy candy, I'm not sure if I will have time to do anything else. For those who don't know, my family just went to Disneyland and it was all decorated for Halloween! They had these cool pumpkin heads over the gates that were in the shape of all the characters, like Mickey and Minnie etc. Very fun! It was Braden's first time there since he was 10, so it was fun to experience it with him. My favorite part was probably the World of Color, which is California Adventure's new water show. It was probably one of the coolest things I've ever seen--I highly recommend going to see it. Right now I am waiting for Braden to be done with his LSAT. He took it this morning and had been gone almost 7 hours--he left at 7:30! We are going to party after he gets back with pumpkin ice cream and dinner and dancing! It is Homecoming this weekend so there are dances and all sorts of shenanigans in Provo. Last night we went to the Spectacular, which was good, but not my favorite one I've seen. They still did a good job with it though. I am done with my homework and am impatiently waiting! If you can't tell, this post is mostly me talking to myself...sort of. Very incoherent, don't you think? Yes I do! Happy Halloween!

O for the touch of a vanished hand!

Last night I had a dream. Do you ever have those dreams that are so real you forget that they're dreams, even after you are awake? I mean, most of the time when I dream something is off, like one person is really two different people that I know, or the setting is bizarre, or I'm missing something like my clothes or my eyesight. Then every once in a while I have a dream that is totally real in every way. Such was my dream last night. I drempt that my father was in the hospital dying of a heart attack. It was all so real, my brother and mother were there, and we were of course all very upset. I awoke to the sound of the heart monitor flat-lining.
Needless to say even after I had been awake for hours I felt this pressing sadness in my heart. Today in class we studied Tennyson and his preoccupation (some would say obsession) with death and learning to deal with it. We talked about how the relationships we have in this life are really what is most precious to us, so even though we know we will see our loved ones again we still feel pain and loss at their passing. We talked about how some die young, with so much potential for life, while others live into their 90's with little difficulty. Some die with no family, others die with young children mourning their passing. What touched me the most, however, was the thought of my own parents' deaths.
Part of growing up is learning to cope with separation from family. You go to college, you move out, and if you're lucky you realize just how much you love those you left behind. Another part of growing up is realizing the passing of time--that as you grow older so do they. And inevitable to us all is the passing of those with whom we once enjoyed the pleasures of childhood. Dr. Walker expressed his feelings when his mother died. Although he was 60 at the time, the realization that he could no longer call her on the telephone and speak with her stabbed at his heart.
I am a daddy's girl. My daddy will always be my hero, a man I will always respect and love. He texted me the other day and told me the same--even when he is 78 and I am 50 I will still be his little girl. It is a role I wouldn't give up for the "wide wide world."
My mom will always be my best friend. She is the first person I talk to when I don't know what to do--her opinion is absolutely invaluable to me. In my mind she is the best woman--she is talented, charitable, perceptive, and insightful. I call her regularly, seeking counsel. When I am lonely or sad she is the first person I think about. The memories of her looks and her smell and the safety I felt when she hugged me in her arms always come back to give me comfort.
Heartbreaking will be the day when I can no longer see or feel them or even speak to them. I feel that I will not know loss until that day comes. Although I will always be their daughter, which knowledge comforts me, I will not be absolutely shielded from the pain of their passing.

Break, break, break,
On thy cold gray stones, O Sea!
And I would that my tongue could utter
The thoughts that arise in me.

O, well for the fisherman's boy,
That he shouts with his sister at play!
O, well for the sailor lad,
That he sings in his boat on the bay!

And the stately ships go on
To their haven under the hill;
But O for the touch of a vanished hand,
And the sound of a voice that is still!

Break, break, break,
At the foot of thy crags, O Sea!
But the tender grace of a day that is dead
Will never come back to me.
-Tennyson

I Will Buy You a Bouquet of Freshly Sharpened Pencils

I was watching You've Got Mail today and I love the lines at the beginning by Tom Hanks: "Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. I will buy you a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address." I love the fall and although the beginning of fall semester is not exactly as exciting at 21 as it is at 7 I am still jazzed for fall leaves, football, Halloween, and bouquets of freshly sharpened pencils!
Some of my best memories are from the autumn season. I remember going school shopping and getting to pick out new folders and pencils and such. On some years I would get a new lunchbox or backpack too. I have a secret love for lunchboxes--the oldschool plastic kind with a thermos and sandwich box inside. Even now I've considered buying one for myself, but they don't seem to sell them anymore. I can only find the new kind that are boring mesh with insulation and come in block colors.
After the new school year feeling started to fade Halloween would come. As a kid my mom made all of our Halloween costumes and every year they were different--until I was about 7 or 8 I think. Every year after that I was a witch with my best friend Elexia. It is probably still my favorite costume and I keep looking at patterns and fabric to see if I can make myself a witch costume some year.
And (as mentioned before) the only good thing about living in Utah County is that the leaves change color which makes fall the best (and probably only) season to live here. September and October are filled with walks in the park and hikes in the canyon, pressed leaves in books, pumpkin carving, and the smell of cinnamon and cloves and apple cider. Definitely the best season.
To leave my reminiscing before I finish typing, last night I went fishing with my father- and brother-in-law and my husband. I caught two catfish and we caught 7 in all. The biggest one I got weighed 6 pounds, which is bigger than I've ever caught before! It was flopping around and was difficult to hold so Jim held it for me in the picture. The other one I got was 4 pounds. I was very excited. He is very nice to take us--I'm a difficult person to teach sometimes. :)

Bitterness for BYU

So anyone who loves Brigham Young University should probably not read this post. This is basically going to be me venting about BYU and why I hate it.
To me, BYU is like this cloak and dagger collection agency, waiting to plunge me into financial ruin. I am a good student, I fill out the forms I need for financial aid, and then I am so foolish as to assume that everything will be just fine and processed correctly. And then one day I get on my financial center and all of a sudden I own 2,000 dollars. Every time I get on its a new surprise--oh, you now owe $500, oh suprise, you now owe $1,000, oh look, watch us drop all your classes for you! Its gotten to the point where I hate checking my financial center because I know something is going to be wrong. "Even though you did everything we told you to do, somewhere something wasn't processed right so now you get to pay us money for our mistakes regarding your account, and as an extra bonus we are not going to tell you until its too late for you to get any kind of help and our phone line is going to be busy all day so you can't call us--oops." Convenient.
Another thing to hate about BYU is its location. Who honestly wants to live in Provo, Utah? The two best seasons of the year last for about 3 weeks. So for the other 46. 18 weeks of the year you are either dying of heat (because your apartment has no AC--apparently after you get married its ok to live in a hole as long as you're together) or trudging in the snow to school. Sounds fun right? No. The weather is awful, there is nothing to do, and housing (at least for married students) is expensive, scarce, and dilapidated.
The last thing I hate about BYU (that I'm going to take the time to write about) is that they won't accept my brother as a student. This is bias of me, I know, but why on earth would you accept a student every year for the spring and summer, let him build up university credit with you through those semesters, independent study, and language tests, and then refuse to accept him permanently? Four times. After he's excelled at everything. So then he chooses to go somewhere else (big shocker) and BYU fails to mail his transcripts like he requested, making it impossible for his new school to accept him either. So there he is, all of his classes dropped, screwed over and over again.
Basically I want to graduate so I no longer have to deal with BYU. I want to move away from Provo--far, far away where there is more to life besides manicures and blonde hair and there are things to do and weather you can actually do them in.
Well this has been Danielle Fraser for your afternoon update on why BYU stinks. Thanks for watching.

Apricot Day!

So Monday was Apricot Day (hence my font is orange!). The first councilor in our bishopric has fruit trees and wanted someone to come pick apricots. Monday morning around 8 my mother-in-law Julie and I were in the orchard. Unfortunately, the fruit were the size of quarters instead of the larger size I was envisioning and they were covered in hornets who eat the juice. For about an hour we braved the infested orchard and came out with one box full. Disappointed (thinking the small fruit was not going to make very much) but undaunted, we returned to her kitchen and began. To our surprise we cooked from 10:00 to 5:00 and made two batches of cooked jam, four batches of freezer jam, and four batches of fruit leather. I personally prefer freezer jam because it is easy to make, but the cooked jam has a beautiful red color and tastes good too. We made a raspberry, pineapple, and apricot jam; a blackberry and apricot jam; and a plain apricot.
Freezer Jam:
1 and 1/2 cups sugar
one packet of pectin
4 cups mashed fruit
There are directions on all packets of pectin, but the basic recipe is mix sugar and pectin in a bowl. Add the mashed fruit and mix. When mixed stir and extra 3 minutes. Fill jars and put in fridge until set, then freeze. This jam doesn't set as well as cooked jam, but it is much easier to make.
Cooked Jam:
2 cups pineapple
5 cups crushed apricots
7 cups sugar
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 large package of raspberry jello
Boil the fruit and lemon juice together, Then add the jello and stir until dissolved. Bottle and seal. To seal the jars:
Hot jam needs hot jars and hot lids. Boil lids in water and either run jars through the dishwasher or soak them in hot water as well. Pour the jam in the hot jars and quickly apply and tighten the hot lids. You must use new lids to seal jars but the jars and rings can be old. When the jam cools a popping noise will tell you the bottles are sealed.
Fruit Leather:
2 cups apricots
1/2 cups pineapple
1 Tbl. lemon juice
2 Tbls. honey
Blend together. Dry at 135 degrees for 4-8 hours.

New Addition

So we have a new addition to our family! Her name is Chloe (although of course we are not really sure she is a girl) and she is a pearlscale fish. As you can see from the picture, she looks like she is either pregnant or choking on a large rock. Neither is actually true, and if I knew more about fish I could tell you why she looks that way. Anyway, our original intention was to put her in Jonathan's tank (he is the Black Moor we've had for a few months). We treat our fish mostly like people so we assumed he was lonely and would enjoy a friend. Although technically they should get along (the two species can live together) like a first child Jonathan was not thrilled about sharing his bedroom with our little newcomer. He repeatedly chased her around the tank and once got her caught between the wall and the filter. Even after we spanked him with a spoon he would not tolerate her company. So we decided to put her out of her misery and we moved her to a different tank. She is now living in much happier circumstances and I'm sure her stress levels are lower. Some people's kids!
In other news I now live in Spanish Fork. It is actually quite beautiful here and the air is a bit cleaner than in Provo. I enjoy having a washer and dryer, a dishwasher, and a working air conditioner. The house I live in is bigger than any house my parents have ever owned, although of course I only live in half of it. I feel like so many people take what they have for granted. I lived in two houses between the ages of 8 and 18--the rest of my life we lived in apartments. Even now, my parents live in an apartment and proabably will until they die. My mom has worked steadily full-time from her teenage years until now and has still managed to be an amazing mother who taught me how to be domestic. And I was a spoiled brat who knew families worse off than we ever were. I feel like some people buy a house right off, barely have to work, and then complain that they don't have enough. Anyway, sorry--back to Spanish Fork.
I was pleasantly surprised that I like it here. There are of course some draw backs. The commute for one. I haven't had to make it since school ended last week but I sort of dread it for the future. And theres my in-laws. I love my mother-in-law to death, she is a wonderful and giving person, but sometimes I find myself purposefully opposing her. Like when we moved, she was telling everyone where to put all the boxes, so I purposefully told them the opposite of what she said, and for some odd reason I enjoyed it. I know its only my own pride. Maybe its a rebellious streak left over from teen years. Who knows. Then there's being cut off from friends, although I usually feel that way anyway so maybe its not that different. Somewhere between the dating, engagement, and marriage I feel that I lost my ability to connect with members of my own gender. Its probably just a matter of practice. :)
But overall I really like it here and I hope we can stay a long while. And now its late so I am going to bed. Good night all!

Every Book and It's Cover

I was blessed my freshman year of college to meet three amazing people. It’s been three years since then, yet I can still say that these are three of the best people I have ever known. I am so proud of them and I count myself lucky to be considered their friend. At this point in time their lives are very different from mine. They pursue dreams, see awesome places, and touch hearts. This afternoon as I was looking through their pictures I found myself wondering about my own life. There is a wonderful concept we always talk about called agency—the gift to choose. While we often apply this with an eternal perspective, sometimes we forget that the beauty of agency lies in our own temporary, mortal lives. We all choose what paths we take in life; we all choose who we become. On afternoons like this one I find myself asking, of all the paths I could have taken why did I choose this one? I see my life as extremely ordinary. Why am I like the ordinary bargain book in the bookstore? Why not like the exotic travel books, or thrilling mysteries, or compelling adventures?

I certainly see my three friends this way. They seem so full of life—so ready to be filled when empty, so eager to give when full. They are the Sherlock Holmes and the Lemuel Gullivers, while I feel more like the dimestore novel—so predictable in every way. In many ways I merely survive my life while others live theirs.

Each person chooses their course in life based on what they want at the crux of life-altering decisions. Then somewhere down the path we look back and wonder why we chose the way we did or how our lives are different than they would have been. When I was 17 I chose to come to BYU. Because of that choice I met my friends, discovered two of my very few passions, and fell in love. When I was 20 I chose to get married. Because of that choice I understand more about love than I ever have before and more about fear and hardship than I wanted to before.

My professor asked us the other day, “How are books like people and people like books?” At first I wasn’t sure what to think, but now I feel that we are all books, our pages filled with the decisions that change our lives and make us the genre we are. The narrative of our lives is who we become as our own story unfolds before us.

“Stand and unfold yourself.”

~Hamlet Act I scene I

When Everything Seems to Go Wrong

So the last week and a half of my life has been...eventful. After not talking to anyone about it I have decided to let out some of my feelings on my blog. So bear with me.
Well, my husband and I moved about two months ago and since then money has been tight. We have sold books to pay rent and not seriously grocery shopped in about three months (my grandma helped us out). Most of this is normal college student stuff, but in our case we were still paying some bills that were from last semester, like my hospital bills from my appendectomy and Braden's ACE study course bills and so on. Anyway, so money has been tight.
The first thing that went wrong was when a few weeks ago my upper wisdom teeth decided it was time to grow in. After consulting a dentist, we set my teeth-removal date for the 26th. (Just in case I didn't owe enough money to people for bodily dysfunction)
The next thing that happened was the loss of my job. I work for a professor on campus and he let me know that he probably wouldn't have work for me in the spring and summer terms. Normally this also wouldn't be that bad, except my husband doesn't make even close to enough to support us. He's been studying for the LSAT and working very few hours. He also doesn't get paid very much since he switched jobs in January. So the breadwinner job-which was mine-is now ending. This week. Have I found a job yet? No, but hopefully soon.
Last Saturday my car broke down. Thank heavens Braden has one too so we haven't been car-less. The original estimate to fix it was about 700 dollars. Ouch. But now we think we can get it done for about $200. So that is nice. But still, car problems are not fun.
The final blow (as if owing hundreds of dollars extra to everyone in town wasn't enough) came this Monday. As I said, we just moved in February. It was a hard move. I was taking a full load at school and trying to earn enough to be able to afford milk and I was the one primarily packing and moving. Most of the work was done on Saturday because I didn't have time the rest of the week. But my husband works all Saturday. So I spent many long days pretty much alone moving everything I owned. Not the best time in my life.
We have loved our apartment and our ward. For the first time since I've been married and my parents moved hundreds of miles away from the house I grew up in, I finally felt at home. For the first time in years I was making friends in my ward. Good friends that I could talk to and who would listen and try to understand me because they cared. On Monday we learned that the rent in our apartment would be going up and that we couldn't afford to stay. So we have to move. Again.
So this has been a brief update on my life. No apartment, no job, no car, lots of owed money. All the things I'd like to put on my facebook status that I don't. Have you ever felt like everything all at once seems to go wrong?

Understanding the Concept of Beauty

"In order to be a modest people, acceptable to the Lord, it is helpful to understand the concept of beauty as spoken of in the scriptures. Beauty is pleasing to God and always includes modesty of dress, speech, and behavior. When God speaks of beauty it is usually coupled with strength, virtue, and righteousness (Isaiah 52:1 and Articles of Faith 1:13). For example, beauty is found in the freshness and vibrancy of youth-where it is coupled with cleanliness, innocence, and purity. It is found in the tired young mother, not always perfectly manicured, often without makeup, and perhaps still hoping to lose a few pounds from her last pregnancy, who desires to bear children and rear them in love. Beauty is in the single sister who builds a meaningful life, reaching out to nurture others in a world hungry for love.
There is beauty in the middle-aged parents, starting to collect wrinkles, who have worked long and hard together to prepare their children . . . and who continue to support them in [their] endeavors. Truly, there is beauty in the deep lines and creases, thickening ankles and waistlines, and the white or thinning hair of the elderly who are nearing the end of a righteous life . . . . Isaiah, describing the Savior, wrote, 'there is no [worldly] beauty that we should desire him' (Isaiah 53:2). Yet, surely there was no more beautiful being to ever walk the earth than He who gives us 'beauty for ashes' (Isaiah 61:3).
By contrast, popular culture has a much narrower definition of beauty. The definition is reflected in magazine covers, television shows, movies, and commercials. The mainstream societal view of beauty often has little to do with modesty and chastity, focusing instead on perfection of form and feature. Consider that several entire industries are oriented around doomed-to-rail efforts to avoid the aging process and achieve physical perfection. While it is good for us to take care of ourselves, we can balance our stewardship over our bodies with an equivalent effort to progress spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually, rather than fretting too much about appearance or aging." (Helping and Healing Our Families, 208-209.)
Do you ever feel that your sense of beauty is warped? This hit me between the eyes. View yourself and other people not as "perfection incarnate" but as "beauty in every flaw."

Latest Creations

The first cookie creation is fairly simple yet absolutely delicious. Yellow Cake Cookies with Chocolate Frosting. Yumm. :) Cake cookies are fast and simple, just pick your favorite cake mix and add 2 eggs and 1/2 cup oil. Bake on an ungreased cookie sheet at 350 degrees for 7 to 8 minutes. My husband and I love these because cake mix is so cheap. We've done carrot cake with cream cheese frosting, chocolate cake with mint frosting, and many others!

The next cookie is a little more complicated. They are called Roman Chocolate Cookies and are from Italy. Traditionally they have white icing and sprinkles on them as well, but at the time I didn't feel much like icing on my cookies. Also, they look like double-chocolate sweetness, but they aren't as sweet as they seem. They have some rich spices that dull down the sugar, so don't get too disappointed if you eat them right after they've baked. However, they are FABULOUS the morning after baking-tasting like chocolate cake donuts!

Roman Chocolate Cookies
Dough:
2 cups plus 2 Tbl. all-purpose flour
1/2 cup cocoa powder
2 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. nutmeg
1/4 tsp. allspice
2 eggs
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup olive oil
1/2 cup milk
2 tsp. vanilla extract
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
Beat eggs with electric mixer on medium speed for abou 1 minute, until frothy. Gradually add the sugar and beat until the eggs thicken slightly and become pale in color, 2 to 3 minutes. While beating, slowly add the olive oil. On low speed, beat in the milk and vanilla extract. In a seperate bowl mix together the flour, cocoa, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice. With a wooden spoon add the flour mixture to the egg mixture in 2 increments, stirring until smooth after each. Stir in chocolate chips (By now, the dough may be really tough to stir by hand and kind of springy). Cover the bowl loosely with a kitchen towel and let the dough rest for 20 to 30 minutes. (It may seem dumb but this is an important step, it changes the consistency of the dough. I only waited for 20 minutes, so the minimum time works.) Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. After the rest time, roll dough into balls about 1 inch in diameter. You can spray the cookie sheets or cover them with parchment. I used tin foil. Set the balls about 2 inches apart from each other, they do get a little bigger in size. Bake for about 10 to 12 minutes, until the tops feel dry and are cracked. Don't overbake-the cookies should be tender, not dry. When the cookies are cool, ice, sprinkle, and serve!
Icing:
1 1/4 cups confectioners' sugar
1 1/2 TBl. butter
1/2 tsp. milk
1/2 tsp. vanilla
colored or chocolate sprinkles
Combine sugar, butter, milk, and vanilla until smooth and thick.

Life and Love: Those dumb married people :)

The Good Morrow

I wonder by my troth, what thou and I
Did till we loved? Were we not weaned till then,
But sucked on country pleasures, childishly?
Or snorted we in the seven sleepers' den?
'Twas so; but this, all pleasures fancies be.
If ever any beauty I did see,
Which I desired, and got, 'twas but a dream of thee.

And now good morrow to our waking souls,
Which watch not one another out of fear;
For love, all love of other sights controls,
And makes one little room, an everywhere.
Let sea-discoverers to new worlds have gone,
Let maps to others, worlds on worlds have shown.
Let us possess on world, each hath one, and is one.

My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears,
And true plain hearts do in the faces rest;
Where can we find two better hemispheres
Without sharp north, without declining west?
Whatever dies was not mixed equally;
If our two loves be one, both thou and I
Love so alike, that none do slacken, none can die.

I felt that was an apt beginning. If you are wondering what the heck all that fancy language means, perhaps you should study it a little harder. :) A fitting title might be: I never lived until I met you, for now that I have you, the rest of the world seems strangely insignificant. Or perhaps another title may be: The rest of mankind may search for worlds without end, discovering new and better places; but for me, the only world I desire is the one we create together. I'm sure there are other possible interpretations. The beauty of poetry is how it speaks to every person differently, with different melodies and meanings.
Tonight I want to write about love. And marriage. I am concerned with what I hear from too many young LDS people. Not only do many express fears about marriage and "falling in love" as we call it, but many go beyond fear into a hopeless desire to do neither. I call it hopeless for several reasons. Mainly because when you begin to feel that way, you abandon all hope and therefore all desire to ever experience the greatest happiness life has to offer you. You drift so far as to even lose any desire to ever have that happiness.
Now, many people have fears about marraige. If anyone has looked at the April ensign, they would notice several articles on temple marraige and dating. This may be because there is a growing trend in the Church to prolong dating and put off marraige. In his article Lance B. Wickman cites 3 reasons why this trend may be occuring. The first is a tendancy to hang out instead of date. The second is the fear of making a mistake. The third an adolsecent recoiling from responsibility.
I wish to address the third reason. Way too many people are afraid of responsibility. That is called selfishness. Conratry to popular belief, it should be avoided. Being in love (I mean really in love, not infatuated or in a "temporary relationship" for kicks) is marked by unselfishness. It means being willing to put someone else above yourself. It means putting the wants of someone else above your own. It means growing up and deciding to be responsible. Don't be scared, it is worth it.
I have heard from some LDS singles that after their friends get married, they never see them again and it feels like they dropped off the face of the earth. Guess what? They did! What so many singles don't understand is that being married (which I'm using synonomously with being in love) is like being in a cloud. That doesn't mean its easy-no, its definitly not easy! What it means is that often you feel similar to the poem above. You are seperated from the world, in one of your own, one that past friends often don't understand until they create their own like it. I've at times pondered on why these feelings of seperation come, why this sudden gap between the old life I had and the new one I lead?
The answer: My life is now defined by selflessness. I feel a disconnection from many of my past friends (who aren't married themselves) because my life is defined by someone else besides myself. Crazy thought? Yes.
Every day I work more hours, go to school, keep my body healthy, and do housework mainly to provide for my husband and help him be happy. I cook, clean, wash, scrub, work, study, run, lift, and live to make him happy. And when I have children I will do all these things even more. Why? Why would I willingly choose to devote my time and energy to working hard for someone else for the rest of my life? Because I am happy to do so. I am happier every day I do so. Of course I'm not perfect, I do have selfish, childish moments and days but the more I work to be unselfish the happier I become. The more contented with life I become. The more fulfilling my hard work is. I lose myself to find myself.
But it bothers me that many don't seem to understand this principle. It bothers me that I hear girls in the hall belittling marriage. It bothers me that to way too many people, getting married seems a foolish idea. But explaining it to them is like trying to explain color to someone who is blind. They are so happy in their black and white world that they don't understand why people choose to live in one with color. Beautiful, bright, vibrant color. Color that makes every day worth living a billion times more than it was before. But they don't see that. They continue to live in their lives full of relationships that don't last and selfishness that runs rampant. I don't always understand why. But what do I know? Some of my once closest friends believe I know nothing. But I guess to some I've always known nothing.
The main message: Life is good. And as a dying man once told me, clutching me in his arms, tears running down his face, "Don't waste it."